I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
