So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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