i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
