It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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