just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
