is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
