Screwed.edu
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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