My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
