Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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