is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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