They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
