if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
