i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i now understand why vodka
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
