no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
