I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize