so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
