Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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