i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Randomize
