I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
