I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
