im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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