When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize