He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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