covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
barbara walters just said penis...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
