I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You made out with two different species that night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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