That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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