I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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