tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
