They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
