dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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