Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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