i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
