Umm I'm too high to move.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
