I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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