How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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