there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize