im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wear drunk well.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
