just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
