I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
