i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
