ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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