I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
