And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
