My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
