If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
