i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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