you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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