I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
