I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
