No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize