I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
