direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
