Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
