my vag is so smooth its legendary
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
