you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
