Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
