Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
