she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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