how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
