overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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