none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
