I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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