You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize