I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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