wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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