Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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