he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
