it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
