Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
