I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
