No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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