I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
