the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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