girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Still dying that you shit outside
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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